i'm sitting on a citadel, contemplating life

I've known for quite a few months that this school isn't the right fit for me. The people are bright and intelligent and they have big ideas, but they don't like my ideas. My ideas are radical, they don't fit in with the norm. I want to save the babies and the trees. I want to end war and bring Jesus to the ones who haven't heard of Him. I like to call God my Father, but also my Creator, Sustainer, and Redeemer. I don't like getting caught up in discussions of homosexuality or the place of women in the church or whether God is male or female. When did politics become more important than the message? When did we start telling people what they can and cannot believe and who can and cannot be saved? Christ died for all of our sins, no matter ones race, gender, socioeconomic status, or sexual orientation. But why do we focus on that instead of spreading love? Everyone here cares more about the politics then the message. Everyone wants to go to distant lands where the people are facing war, poverty, and violence. I want to make that difference in the US first. What about the School of the Americas in Georgia? We are training terrorists and soldiers of other countries how to control and kill their own people. How do you think the genocide in El Salvador or Rwanda or Darfur was fueled? We provide the tools! We fight this war on terrorism and we are training the terrorists! Do you know how messed up that is? I don't know what steps I need to take in order for this to make sense or what I can do to make this right. I am one person and I doubt I can take on the US government. I want to make a difference, but how do I do that? What happened to the days of the Prophets. God called people to be His voice to speak for those who were being violated and were facing injustice, but ultimately He called people that were willing and able to speak against those with power. They didn't always get very far, but they got their voice out. Being a pastor will give me some of this power, but not all of it. Churches today want a feel good message, something that pats them on the back and lets them sleep at night. Americans don't realize the power we have. We hold the majority of the world's wealth and we keep it all to ourselves. We can help fight poverty and violence and war (in our own country and abroad). Right now I'm all talk and no action, I don't know the first step to take. If anyone has an idea, I'd love to hear it.

God made a beautiful world. He created beautiful people with beautiful spirits. He also gave us the freedom to choose between right and wrong. I want to choose to do right and so I pray for the path to be shown to me. I pray that God will use me for good and to have the strength to do what He calls me to do or be who He calls me to be. I give God praise for all the blessings in my life, but now I say Lord, "have Your way with me". I want to live for You alone.

Blessings to all,
-Ashley